When the realization hits in

Last few night, I have this very special friend of mine playing a game with me..
I think we can name the game as 'know more about you'..
And through this game, he reminded me of something..
Something that I had held long as dream and ambition..
But I had kind of forgotten about that, due to the pressure thrown by the cruel reality..
I asked him about his wish list..
He answered : I enjoy helping animals.. I seriously don't like human..
Yes, he is a cute vet-to-be :)

His words then hit me..
I started to realize something..
Ahh..
How long since the last time I said "I enjoy helping.."??

Honestly, environmental factors can change a person a lot..
My family background is one of it..
How long I want to see my dad selling fruits at a small stall..?
How about my younger brothers..?
Can I as the eldest sister seeing them working hard day and nights but earning just that few hundreds ringgit..?
And, my boyfriend is all about business minded and profit making..
All these dragged me out of my own ambition..
I started to forget about myself..
All these pull me further away from myself..

This very special friend of mine; I envy him a lot..
He is happy and he is doing the things that he likes most..
To study across three different countries before you can achieve with what you dream of is not easy..
And yet, he can make it..

I still remember when I start searching for college, I was still keen to search the course related to my ambition, though I know I can't make it at last..
My family is not being supportive at this..
And there, I had walked out a new path, a path that I never even dream of taking it..
Accounting
This was a total nightmare..
I remembered how I used to fail this paper again and again during my high school time..
Then, at the first two years of my study in accounting, I still hope that one day I can go back to my true ambition..
I still tell people that I want to further pursue in psychology after my accounting degree..

But when the reality hits it, I totally forgot about it..
When my boyfriend starts converting me to business woman, I start to forget about psychology..
When my mum starts telling me more and more stories about the family, I don't even have a minute to think about psychology..
It is like, my mindset have been switched, totally..
I have not being the true me..

The now me will not talk about psychology anymore..
I just think of how to graduate my accounting paper, and then proceed further with profession paper, so I can get a good pay..
And then, I will work for few years..
And even taking part time finance course to equip myself in my work field..
Then I will start building my own business, whatever it is, I don't care..
The business will just have to earn income to feed my family, to bring my family to a higher status..
These were all in my mind, until his words hit me into realization..

When it is his turn to ask me back the same question, without a second thought, I answered : I want to be a business woman..
And then here comes his words on 'I enjoy helping animals' and 'I don't like human seriously'..
Enjoy helping..
Again, when is the last time I said this..?
I can't remember myself..
I want to be a psychologist because I enjoy helping human..
I enjoy the studying the mystery of human brain and mentality..
I want to help those weak in mental to stand up strong again..

And now, it lead me into dilemma..
For few days I had been thinking about this..
To think whether I should do the thing I love or to do things for the one I love..?