When the realization hits in

Last few night, I have this very special friend of mine playing a game with me..
I think we can name the game as 'know more about you'..
And through this game, he reminded me of something..
Something that I had held long as dream and ambition..
But I had kind of forgotten about that, due to the pressure thrown by the cruel reality..
I asked him about his wish list..
He answered : I enjoy helping animals.. I seriously don't like human..
Yes, he is a cute vet-to-be :)

His words then hit me..
I started to realize something..
Ahh..
How long since the last time I said "I enjoy helping.."??

Honestly, environmental factors can change a person a lot..
My family background is one of it..
How long I want to see my dad selling fruits at a small stall..?
How about my younger brothers..?
Can I as the eldest sister seeing them working hard day and nights but earning just that few hundreds ringgit..?
And, my boyfriend is all about business minded and profit making..
All these dragged me out of my own ambition..
I started to forget about myself..
All these pull me further away from myself..

This very special friend of mine; I envy him a lot..
He is happy and he is doing the things that he likes most..
To study across three different countries before you can achieve with what you dream of is not easy..
And yet, he can make it..

I still remember when I start searching for college, I was still keen to search the course related to my ambition, though I know I can't make it at last..
My family is not being supportive at this..
And there, I had walked out a new path, a path that I never even dream of taking it..
Accounting
This was a total nightmare..
I remembered how I used to fail this paper again and again during my high school time..
Then, at the first two years of my study in accounting, I still hope that one day I can go back to my true ambition..
I still tell people that I want to further pursue in psychology after my accounting degree..

But when the reality hits it, I totally forgot about it..
When my boyfriend starts converting me to business woman, I start to forget about psychology..
When my mum starts telling me more and more stories about the family, I don't even have a minute to think about psychology..
It is like, my mindset have been switched, totally..
I have not being the true me..

The now me will not talk about psychology anymore..
I just think of how to graduate my accounting paper, and then proceed further with profession paper, so I can get a good pay..
And then, I will work for few years..
And even taking part time finance course to equip myself in my work field..
Then I will start building my own business, whatever it is, I don't care..
The business will just have to earn income to feed my family, to bring my family to a higher status..
These were all in my mind, until his words hit me into realization..

When it is his turn to ask me back the same question, without a second thought, I answered : I want to be a business woman..
And then here comes his words on 'I enjoy helping animals' and 'I don't like human seriously'..
Enjoy helping..
Again, when is the last time I said this..?
I can't remember myself..
I want to be a psychologist because I enjoy helping human..
I enjoy the studying the mystery of human brain and mentality..
I want to help those weak in mental to stand up strong again..

And now, it lead me into dilemma..
For few days I had been thinking about this..
To think whether I should do the thing I love or to do things for the one I love..?

Am feeling good

Hey readers! :D
I knew that I had been posting a lot lately but just please bear with me la..
I can only revise well after getting my word of heart spoken out :p
So there, in these few days time, good things happen to me in a row :)
I think right if later I go buy 4d with my car number I might as well as get the last prize :p
So lets get started with what's so good happened to me lately :)

Tuesday
As mentioned in previous post, Ah Long and Heather knocked on my window and chatted with me..
It was the first time for Heather and it had been long time since Ah Long knocked on my window..
I remembered those days when Ah Long knocked on my window simply just to disturb me or to borrow written assignment from me..
Whatever purpose he is coming for, he always make my day :)

Wednesday
A robbery case happened in Inti and I eye witnessed it myself..
So coming back to my room, I posted it on Facebook, sharing it with other Inti-ians so they can took a lesson from it and take good care of their own belongings and safety..
And surprisingly, Lily replied me and she was so interested to know about the whole story and so she invited me to the pantry so I can tell her the whole thing in details..
And on that day, a student forum is going on..
Students could go there and practiced their freedom of speech with the management..
And Lily suggested going to the forum and propose to management about this case..
And so, she invited me to go to forum together and dinner with her!! :D
I was so happy that I immediately agreed..
It is not always people asked me for dinner eh..
Dinner at KFC Tesco, yay finally I got heavy meal for dinner since the sem and I gained 1/2 inch on my belly after the meal -.-

Thursday
I was in extreme moody mood right after I woke on that day..
Why..? Because I missed my important lecture in the morning at 8am.. Taxation!!
It was a sudden replacement class, but still it was important..!!
I was so freaked out because I remembered the miss said that she will ask question for those skipped her class :( I am not doing it on purpose sobs..
And I have Taxation class with the miss at the very same day, 4pm!
And the whole day, I was trying to catch up the lesson by studying on my own..
But sometimes, it is not that when you read, then you will understand..
Taxation is all about getting the correct concept..
So without any explanation, even reading the the 3 inches thick text book won't help..
I was frustrated and scared..
But in the class, Xwee aka Venna Tang taught me the lecture! :D
Felt so grateful!
She summarized the 2 hours lessons and taught me in less than 10minutes time!
And thanks to her, I grab the concept pretty well and my mood level rise from red to green immediately! ;)

Friday
I almost missed the 8am class today but lucky my mum called to wake me up! :D
Yes I still need a morning call from my mum, call me baby and spoiled brat..
I am proud to be the spoiled brat, how many of you having your mum calling day and night?
Me love my mummy!!
Good thing #2 for the day, my classmate bought me a sandwich! :)
Thanks so much..
She said that I lend her my notes so this was her way of saying thanks..
She was being mad polite! It was just a note! And as far as I can remember, my notes are messy, I was wondering if she understand it or not..

Sorry if this post bored you reader..
I am very aware that the 'good things' that I posted might be very silly and minor to some of you guys..
Almost all my friends have their own buddy in Uni.. And the 'good things' that I claimed might happen to you guys always, but not me..
I am a weirdo I know.. I don't have much friends here.. I am always alone in my room or the most I hang out with is with my boyfriend's friends..
So when these things happen to me, I was just too happy..
I felt like finally people notice about my presence..
So even the slightest thing you did or say will make my day!
These might be minor to you but its all for me!
Appreciate those who gave me these good feeling! love you guys muahx! :)

Unexpected guests

Well well.. I have a quiz tomorrow and look what am I doing now..
Blogging..!
I supposed to sleep or do revision now..!
But, I am extremely happy now thus I decided to give myself a break and blog it out :)
Just now I had two unexpected guests..
For your all information, I am staying in a hostel block at ground floor..
The convenience of staying at ground floor is people can knock your window and stand there to chat with you the whole day :)
And this friend of mine, AhLong knew that I was staying here long time ago..
So just now, he paid me a visit together with Heather..
Just a simple knock or a simple "RUBY LIM LOON PING!" from outside the window can make me smile wide :)
Finally I got friend who pay me a visit after class time and willing to stand outside the window to chat with me eh..
See, I got friends too neh.. ^^
I was happy..
I wonder since when we had our last chat like this..?
One year..? Two years..?
Or since the class separation at the second sem I was in Inti..?
AhLong and Heather stood outside the window to chat with me, and observed my room..
Haha.. I was real happy..
I never give up on missing you guys..
3A2 was the best class I ever had in my life after 3M and 5I classes that I had during my secondary school time..
3A2 was the first class I had in Inti, consisted of 20 male and 20 female students..
The best and irreplaceable class I had in Inti :)
AhLong and Heather, were in the class as well..
I never thought of having guests from my window anymore..
Firstly, it is simply because my current classmates don't know where am I staying..
Bet that they are not interested to know as well..
Most of my current classmates, are just plain classmates..
The interactions we had, are all limited to class period only..
Second, it had been a long long gap since my interaction with my batch of friends..
So it is never crossed in my mind that they will pay me another visit..
But now, they did..
AhLong and Heather; although the chat is not a long one, but it is enough to make me smile wide, enough to make me feel touched :')
Lucky I never move out from this room..
Yes, I am staying in a room located at ground floor and near the study room, which sometimes it is super noisy due to the people walking, running and chatting near my room..
And sometimes it is so inconvenience because I could not open the window wide when I feel hot..
But still, there is reason where I refuse to leave..
There is a good reason where I am willing to bear with the noise and stuff :)
And the reason shall be the one that make my day..
Happy to welcome the unexpected guests :)

Nightmare

Nightmares haunting..
But of all the nightmares why this popped out in my dream..?
It was scary, it was horrible..
I hope this will never ever happen..
The nightmare started at an old house..
Seems like those very old village house..
Never seen this house before in my life but in my dream, i recognized that 'house' is the house I am staying..
How come my house become like this..?
Become worse than how it supposed to be..?
Then, there are lots of guests in the living room, crowding a girl..
The guests are all my relatives and friends.. and the girl, me of course..
I am dressed in a purple knee length dress, my favourite all the time..
I still remember the details of the dress.. purple dress with simple design yet it is accessorized with those glittery accessories..
And I don't know how it happens but it is my wedding day..
I was wearing the wedding dress, waiting for someone appear..
I was waiting and waiting with all the guests in the living room..
I don't know who was I waiting for, but I had a feel that I am not waiting for my prince charming..
The guests are all looking at me with sad and pity look..
I was nervous, still waiting for the appearance of that someone..
Then, somebody shouted to me, asking me to go to the behind of the house..
I didn't question why, nor giving her a questioning look..
I obeyed and started to walk to the direction given..
She then asked me to run, and I obeyed..
Then I reached the bathroom..
The condition of the bathroom is disgusting..
Faeces are everywhere on the floor of the bathroom..
Then I saw two of my uncles cleaning the bathroom using the water pipes.. and worst, I saw my mum sitting at the corner of the bathroom, crying..
I approached her.. asking her why but she just cried..
My uncle then tell me that she had a disease called bowel movement control something..
I can't memorize the name.. but I understood what was that..
It is something like you can't control when and where you need to go toilet..
When you felt like going and you can't find a toilet in time, you will just let go of the faeces at everywhere you stand..
I was shock when I heard this..
But still I went to my mum, hugged her and said that everything is okay..
And then I grabbed the water pipe from my uncle's.. like indicating I am ready to take the responsibility to take care of my mum for the rest of my life..
And when I woke, I almost cried out..
What if it becomes true..?
What will happen to this family..?
What will happen to mum..?
Can't we financially support this..?
Can mum emotionally and physically strong enough to fight with the disease..?
Everything was running into my mind at the same time..
But when I turned, I saw my mum, still sleeping peacefully..
The worry was almost gone..
Heavily I smiled..
If I started to save and buy less of my wants and buy her supplementary then everything should be fine right..?