RIP to my most hated subject, Corporate Finance.. I shall see you again in your next life.. Don't worry, it won't be long, the coming month I will stuck with you again for another 4 months.. Oh god..
I was in the middle of exam, but after done my killer papers and thinking that my next paper is at 5pm tomorrow, I shall relax and update myself a bit with my internet social life.. Check on facebook and blog of my friends.. Saw two of my friends, jesz and qin updated their blogs today, so I think it will be a good date for a blog session too.. lol.. the more the merrier.. >.<
Realized something that hit me hard in my face today..
I saw my friend's status and post, which shows that they care so much about their cgpa..
Grade of C or even B is enough to make them whining about how the low grade will pull down their cgpa.. Which this makes me feel very bad about myself.. I have very average result in my uni life, sometimes even lower than average when I had failed my papers several times before..
Of course, at the moment when I failed, I feel very bad and depressed.. Thinking of all the time wasted to study the subject but still fail at the end, thinking of the money spent to retake it, thinking of the poor cgpa and mostly, thinking of the journey of university life that will be prolonged just because I failed the papers..
I did improved.. Every time after I failed, I stood up strong again, retake the subject and pull up the grade back despite of how much I hate it..
However, there is still a thing that I never improve on.. I never have passion to get A in my university life.. Well, maybe in my foundation time, to get an A was still the goal.. But after stepping into degree, especially me in entering the last year, grade A is no longer the goal.. The goal? To only pass, of course.. For me, getting an A in degree is super hard, where it is almost impossible.. You should be happy when you can get a pass in degree life.. Only those kiasu people that just enter degree will still aim for A..
But now seems that I am wrong.. Somehow, when I browsed my friends' facebook page and blog, they are all mentioning their aim to get A in the final..
When one people told me that he wants to get A for his papers, I will think that this fella is just another kiasu people that are still new to degree.. an A in a degree life? How impossible is that..
But when there are 10 people saying the same thing?
It start to shake my original mindset that 'impossible to get A in degree'..
I doubt on my own ability and capability..
When only one can get A, he is just pure lucky or pure smart.. but when 10 people can get it..?
It is not pure lucky or pure smart anymore..
It is the effort you put in achieving a thing and the passion towards it..
Reflecting back on myself, I realized where is my mistake all the time..
I never get an A because I never aim for it.. I never believe in it.. I never believe in myself.. I never work hard towards it..
Work towards getting only pass and to get A is two different things.. and I never ever put enough effort for it..
How shameful is it when I only realize it now..
If this is the attitude I possessed towards my study since I stepped into my university life, there is probably only a year and half left to my graduation..
Feel shameful, feel bad and regret..
Thinking of today's papers, Financial Reporting, it is actually a good chance for me to grab an A for the very first time in my degree.. but it is me who take it for granted, not memorizing the format of account properly..
And my Corporate Finance paper, it will be another nightmare for me when I think that I have to retake the entire subject in coming sem..
The result is not out, in fact it was only 8 hours ago since I did that paper so it is not confirmed yet that I fail.. but I knew myself very well.. I knew what I was doing in the exam hall.. I never stop writing in the 2 hours period given but I know the standard of my answer.. They are not sufficient to pass.. But still, lets hope for a miracle to happen.. I want to proceed with my papers, not getting stuck with the same paper all over again..
When I was in exam hall, I did not have enough time to finish the paper..
For the last 10 minutes, my answer sheet is still blank for a question worth of 30 marks.. Mr Adrian was so happened to walk by me that time.. He saw my empty answer sheet, and then he looked at the clock, and look again at my answer sheet.. I was only just about to finish only one paragraph by that time.. I dare not to look into his face.. But I can somehow 'see' the disappointment in him.. It is already the last ten minutes, for a 30 marks question, and I was only at the first paragraph with only two lines of sentence..
Yeah I knew.. I can't help.. I was mad at myself too.. I felt like apologizing to Mr Adrian but to think back, it is useless..
What for apologizing to him..? It is me to suffer the consequences.. I should say sorry to myself.. Sorry for not realizing everything earlier..
If 10 of my friends can do it, and never say that getting an A is impossible, then why should I give up to get an A too? Why am I always at the negative thoughts when the positive one is just in front of me..?
I took everything for granted.. I remembered even getting a B for my English paper because I never put effort in it.. It was just English Language paper anyway.. But now, I want to change..
No more negative attitude.. no more giving up before trying.. I will take the past as lesson, a lesson that will motivate me in a way so that I can do better in my study..I am prepared to take the worst consequences for my final this time, but lets not look at the past anymore.. I had reflected myself on my past mistakes and this is time to change.. Lets have passion and goal towards the coming study sem.. Good luck =)
I still have two papers left, so better off to study now.. lets see if the last minute passion towards study and goal to get A will result in A or not =)
For friends who are having final, good luck guys =)
Fighting!
