Jobless

It had been long since my last update. I still had a lot of #bloggingdebts going on but let's not go for these now. Most people that read my blog are my close friends so you guys must know already that I had graduated and now staying home.

Here comes the topic. I had been staying home for more than 3 months yet I am still staying home. Friends and relatives had been asking "Why are you always home?", "Haven't found a job yet?", "What are you do at home?", "Did you actually plan to work?", "Your mum feed you all these months after you graduate ar?" and so and so. They even comes in with "Youngsters nowadays huh. You all prefers to rest for months before get your ass off to find job right?"

Yes, I am very well aware that I am doing nothing at home being like an useless. At first, I enjoyed staying home so much. I have my big, new cozy room here which I can never rent a room up to this standard after I go out to the city for job. I have a 50' plasma in the living room, with all sort of Astro channels await for me. I have a comfortable dining room where everyday I am motivated to help cook good food for my family members, so we all can sit in a same table enjoying good meals.

But reality kicks in. I could not live this way for my whole life. I gotta go out and work. When people asked me, I had always reply "I am still waiting for companies' replies". I am not lying. I applied to few companies I wanted and I had been waiting for almost a month now. If I knew that companies will take their sweet time in replying, I would have apply last year in my final semester. I started to fret out. My friends are all working or waiting to commence already but I am at home doing nothing. Even for those who are not working, they are having work and travel in western countries. Everyday I am questioning myself, "What am I still doing at home?" but never really got myself an answer. I started to feel bad. Sure it is pretty easy for my mum to feed me. I eat only a little, I help do house chores but this is not what I wanted. My younger siblings have way lower qualifications than me but they are earning wages themselves. Me? Sometimes when my younger brother asked me about my job application, I was so ashamed to tell that I am still waiting and still applying. Sure he did not mean anything bad but is just curious and concern for my jobs, but still.

It is all my own fault that I am still jobless and staying home right now. If I could just move my lazy ass to apply for jobs during my last semester. Or at least right after I graduate. Before this I still told people that I will enjoy my CNY before start applying, damn and now I have enjoy my life way too much.

Sometimes I told myself to worry now or to feel bad now would not help. Just apply and apply for more companies and wait for the answers. Meanwhile, do anything I can at home. Cook, clean, tidy up, do filings, accompany my mum. And fill in this blog maybe.